


Reciprocity

by UnrealRomance



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Masochism, Nurturing Femdom, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-01-29 06:45:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 21,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnrealRomance/pseuds/UnrealRomance
Summary: Modern girl somehow falls into Arcana universe. Romances Julian.Those of you who've read me before know the drill. Those of you who haven't...boy are you in for it.This fic will continue to be updated but I left the Arcana fandom so its likely to be sparse. And if you want to know why, look in chapter 1's notes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, besides the fact that there's rampant racism not only in the story itself but also in the way some of the people involved reacted to shit that was happening in fandom-- there's also the fact that the artist and writer also have a history of fetishizing gay men-- it's a whole clusterfuck.
> 
> Beyond that tho, the storyline of the Arcana is just bad. It seems good until you look a little deeper and realize that the storyline kinda just happens to you and you don't actively change or effect anything in the story.
> 
> I'm actually thinking of putting together like a video rewrite with sprites and backgrounds of Julian's route just to prove they could've totally done better than they did story-wise...
> 
> Like they seemed to have put in 0 effort, you guys.

You know, I never believed all those stories about how Halloween thinned the Veil between worlds. Cause like…even if it’s a magical holiday, it won’t have anything to do with other dimensions-- and even if there is an afterlife, it’s unlikely we’d be able to reach it without, like, dying.

So like…the whole ritual thing that everyone does, dressing up and trick-or-treating and everything…just seemed like it was supposed to be for fun. That it was just…superstition.

Now I’m questioning that. I’m questioning it pretty damn hard.

“Are you alright?” a guy in an Asra costume-- please be a costume-- smiles and holds out a hand to me. “You shouldn’t go out in your ritual livery, someone could report you to the Countess and she might have you brought in for interrogation. Strange magicians are often viewed with suspicion”

I reach out and take his hand, allowing him to pull me to my feet, “r-ritual livery?” Magicians?

I don’t normally costume myself for Halloween. I dress up in really goth clothes with goth makeup cause that’s just…my aesthetic. And I can go all out for Halloween with a really goth dress and boots and stuff without anyone looking at me weird, cause it’s Halloween. I’d normally prefer pants and an armored corset, but since it’s a special occasion, I go all out.

So I’m in a hooded, medieval gothic dress with billowy sleeves and nylons with little black ivy designs on them underneath the skirt of my dress…and a pair of incredibly comfortable boots because I’m not wearing high heels out to walk around. That’s just- no.

He nods and tilts his head, “not to worry,” he lifts his hand and pretty sparkling lights dance above his palm for a moment before disappearing. “You are safe.”

I’m staring at his palm with wide eyes. “Shit.”

“Something the matter?” he asks.

“I. eh. Don’t…know where I am,” I finally stammer out.

His expression clears and he smiles more warmly, holding a hand out to me. “Come with me, I can give you shelter for the night.”

It’s a very bad idea to take that offer, “I…I don’t know you.”

“Nor I you,” he says, grinning. “I can only hope you don’t intend to menace me in my sleep.”

I purse my lips and stare at him, deadpan, “ass.”

He laughs, “come on. I have a place for you. My apprentice is…out for the evening.” He says it slowly and with a bit of a glance downward and away. A look of something…sad, in his face. Then he smiles again, “I will give you something to eat if you need-”

It is at this moment my stomach chooses to growl as loud as I’ve ever heard it. And I sigh while Asra-guy laughs at me. While… _Asra_...laughs at me.

This is too bizarre. Why is this happening?

I inhale deeply and push away the tears pricking at my eyes. I’m so confused, I’m lost and…I’m starting to think maybe I died and god put me in the Arcana for Heaven or something. Which would be awesome if I had confirmation but at the moment just kind of terrifies me as a prospect.

It’s the not knowing that’s scary. That’s always the way it is.

“Hey, it’s alright,” he says softly. Taking my hand and tugging me gently after him. “Rituals can make a person confused afterwards if they aren’t that powerful yet.”

I just follow him, numb and confused. Allowing him to tow me by the hand and wondering if I maybe ate something toxic and am now having an incredibly realistic hallucination. Maybe I ate one of those candies with the razorblades in them and that’s how I died.

That theory is more comforting, I’m gonna go with that one. Because it doesn’t make me afraid of impending pain and then actual death. If I’m already dead, the worst is over, right?

“Uh…wh…what do I do if I don’t remember who I am?” I say as we walk.

He pauses in the street to glance back at me in surprise. “Well…I would wait for a few days, to be sure it’s not just the ritual confusion and then…make a life for yourself and keep waiting for it to come back. If it never does, you’ll have a life worth living even without it.”

And then we walk again as I digest that information and also the fact that Asra is a lot more blunt than I gathered in Arcana. I mean…he was blunt then too, but it’s different being like… _here_. With him.

“But how do I…do that? How do I, like…earn a living and find a place to live?” I ask.

He hums but keeps walking, leading me down a narrow street and through an alley into a main thoroughfare. “Well…then, I’d say pick a small skill you can learn quickly and easily and get a job doing that until you can learn something more suitable. As for a place to live, you could likely find a place nearby to squat in until you found a home of your own.”

“Squat in!?” I whisper, horrified. “Isn’t that-- like…illegal?”

His chuckling is my only answer.


	2. Chapter 2

The Apprentice’s name is Zhasti.

They are…like, really gorgeous? Like Asra? Magical and mystical and mysterious looking? Slim and willowy with wiry muscle packed on, long black-brown hair and big brown eyes.

And when I met them, I couldn’t even… _think_. It was the morning after I appeared in Arcana, so…I woke up expecting it all to have been a dream and when it wasn’t…my brain…sorta shorted out.

They spoke with Asra about me and I could hear them talking, but I was so out of it, I couldn’t comprehend anything being said.

I’m lucky that apparently they decided not to throw me out on the street that morning.

In fact, Asra kept prodding me until I started absent-mindedly eating whatever was put in front of me, and Zhasti sat near me and petted my hair and rubbed my back with one hand a lot. Like they were trying to comfort me.

They had no idea what was up with me, that’s obvious-- but they still tried to help and it…just…

It made me start crying after a while and when all I could stutter out through my tears was that no one had ever been this nice to me before-- it got worse.

“Are you sure you don’t want something else?” Asra asks for the fifth time. “We have more food, if you need it.” His voice is so…soft and mellifluous. Like…sweet and understated.

“No thank you,” I respond for the fifth time. “I’m fine. I’m just…emotional. Confused and emotional.”

Another funny thing about that is…I’m no longer speaking english. I felt like I was, until I realized the words tasted different.

The way my lips would form the words I thought I was saying was…wrong. Saying ‘yes’ and ‘no’ was relatively similar to languages I’d heard before, but not english. The shape my lips and tongue would take, the way my mouth would move…

It was different. I noticed only after waking up this morning.

The way their lips move is also different and off. I wouldn’t notice if I hadn’t been looking for it-- it’s incredibly similar to how their mouths are _supposed_ to move, after all.

Zhasti walks over to the table where I’m mostly just sitting and staring off into space when Asra and they aren’t talking to me and smiles. “Would you like a reading?” they ask.

And my heart thumps. “I…I dunno.”

“You could give _us_ one,” Asra says. He walks over to sit with Zhasti as they settle across from me. “I saw that pouch on your belt, for the cards, no?”

He’s right. I have my own deck of Dragon Tarot cards. I got them when I was a teenager and first started getting into all of Paganism. They’re on my belt right now. I haven’t got any other clothes and this is like…back in a time when only nobility change every day into a new set of clothes, so…

“Um…” I cough and reach down to grab my deck. “I-I have…both major and minor…”

“Oh, you’re a _detailed_ reader,” Asra says with surprise. “I don’t really sense much power around you. Perhaps this is how you compensate for your lower level power and skill.”

Zhasti elbows him, “Asra.”

“Oh,” Asra blushes. “My apologies, I only meant that you must be at the beginning of your training. I wonder if your master will come looking for you…” he says and trails off thoughtfully.

“I don’t have a master,” I say slowly as I shuffle my deck. “I…uh…I feel like that’s…not a thing I could have…but I don’t know why.” Being this dodgy is gonna get exhausting.

“Then perhaps your power is only suppressed by your memory loss,” Asra says with curiosity. “Well. Let’s see what the cards say about us, yes?”

They only turn over one card each for people in the game before they get up and leave, so…I draw two cards and lay them before each of them. I have two sections in my card pouch for major and minor Arcana. I’m just gonna use Major, for now.

Death and The Chariot. Whoo. New beginnings and… Upcoming victory. But only if you combine your knowledge, feelings and spirituality.

“Well?” Asra prompts me with a smile. “What do the cards say to you?”

I bite my lip. “Zhasti is facing a new beginning and the universe wants to remind him not to cling too tightly to things from the past.”

Asra smiles a little sadly and Zhasti gives me an encouraging grin.

“As for Asra…you will achieve victory in your goals, but you can’t go around making decisions based on only one set of knowledge. You need to consult not only the logical but the spiritual and emotional,” I say.

Asra sighs, “I see.”

“At least you didn’t get the Tower,” Zhasti nudges Asra with a smile. “All good things this time.”

“I’m just an amateur, so…” I bite my lip. “I might be wrong.”

“You don’t feel wrong,” Asra reassures me. Which I do not understand. At all.

“Hey, she could work here!” Zhasti says, grinning again. “That was a good reading, right? More people means we can do more readings.”

“Oh, I’m not a professional!” I say with some shock. “I couldn’t charge people for-”

“You’re more qualified than someone on the street would be,” Asra interrupts me. “And you will have a place to live and work.”

I debate, while biting my lip.

On the one hand…okay, this is a good deal. On the other, what if I’m always giving faulty readings and drive down their business?

On the other, other hand…what if I end up doing something that fucks with their storyline?

I sigh, “what if…what if I just give readings to people at a reduced rate, since I’m an amateur-”

“That sounds great!” Zhasti says with enthusiasm. “You can start right now!”


	3. Chapter 3

“Hmm…well, I see a lot of adversity and choices that need to be made that will change your life forever, coming up really soon,” I’m doing my third reading of the day. And it turns out Oracles and Magicians don’t work for coin, exactly.

They work for trade, most of the time. Which, okay. Makes some sense.

So I was given one item instead of three, like the other two get for their readings. It’s a little incense burner with some incense leftover in it. And from the smell, it’s like…Saffron, I think? Useful little herb. It can be used for clairvoyance practices-- divination, in other words-- and also is good for cleansing, consecration, healing, purification…

It’s really useful.

“Do the cards say what to do to make the choices?” the woman asks with worry. “Should I look to a source for guidance?”

“Yourself,” I respond, looking down at the cards. I’ve drawn three for her. “You already know what you need to do, but you’ve been putting it off, or will put it off, because you’re in denial or don’t want to make the decision you know is right. You’ve gotta push through that feeling.”

She sighs, “I was afraid you would say that…” She smiles, “I haven’t been able to get a reading for a while. The prices are always so high I feel it’s a waste to pay for. But I believe this was worth it.” She stands from the table and leaves then, with a bright smile on her face. Relief in every line of her body.

I sag in my chair and sigh, because damn, that went better than my first visit today.

He didn’t get great news and didn’t like that I was ‘cursing’ him with bad fortune. Asra and Zhasti had to escort him out.

“That went well,” Asra says as he pours three cups of tea in the outer area. I can hear the water in the cups.

I push back the curtain and get up from the table, walking over to him and groaning. “I was so anxious it was gonna turn bad.”

“But it didn’t,” he says with a smile. “People like your first customer…” his eyes darken and slit a little bit, in displeasure. “They bring it upon themselves. You saw from his reaction that he usually gets what he wants and blames others for his problems instead of recognizing his own mistakes.”

I blink, “that’s…wow, that’s really wise, Asra.”

He looks so young, I forget how…old soul-ed he is.

Asra grins, “come and have some tea. It’s restorative.”

The tea smells and tastes an awful lot like the kind I’d drink before and after a ritual or spell, with a hint of honey to sweeten it up. So I know it probably revitalizes psychic energy.

Only problem is, up against Asra and Zhasti’s magical abilities, I’m not even sure my Tarot reading isn’t a bunch of inaccurate nonsense.

I’m not magical. I was Pagan Heathen with some Wiccan practices back in my own world. But here? Here, you can learn to make light dance and do spellwork that has immediate effects. Asra says I have the potential, so that’s comforting.

“I don’t know how to learn the things I need to learn,” I sigh. Setting down my tea mug, I glance longingly at the books on the walls of the shop. “Could I trade that little necklace I got this morning for a book, you think?”

“For one of them, maybe,” he turns and pulls out three thin books from the shelves. One of them is Herbology, which I’m already pretty acquainted with. Another is about Numerology, which doesn’t interest me right now…

And the third is about meditation and spiritual awakenings. It’s small and probably really basic, but I pull the necklace out of my pocket and hand it over to Asra as I pull the book over to me. “Is it accurate?”

“I don’t have anything in my shop that isn’t,” he says, his manner serious.

“Just making sure,” I say. Flicking open the book, I absent-mindedly ask, “where’s Zhasti, anyway?”

“Went to see the Countess. She’s trying to get them to help in an investigation,” he says.

I pause and look up. “…oh. That seems…wow.”

He hums in agreement, “it’s a grand opportunity for them.” He has such a conflicted expression on his face that I feel…bad, for him.

If what I saw of the Arcana game was correct…they used to be lovers. So close that Asra was devastated when Zhasti forgot him.

What should I do? I can’t affect things, I might muck it all up. But if I don’t…will the outcome already be fucked up and if I don’t interfere…

Ugh. I hate knowing things.

“Hey, Asra?” I say cautiously.

He hums and glances up at me with a smile.

“If I know things that other people don’t…is it my responsibility to intercede and try to help, or should I leave it be?” I say, slowly.

He tilts his head and thinks for a moment, “well. That would depend on how well things are going and if your intervention could actually help someone. If not, there’s no need. But if it could be beneficial and you want to help, then I’d say yes. But it’s all up to you. What you feel, is what’s right.”

Well, that’s incredibly telling. “And if my intuitions are biased by emotions and attachments?”

He laughs, “you can’t make a decision with only logic or only intuition. Attachments and emotions are very important, Lily. If you feel an attachment to someone or something, that _should_ effect your decisions. Now…what are you going to do?”

I sigh and stand up, “I need directions somewhere…”


	4. Chapter 4

I didn’t want Asra to know _exactly_ where I was going…but I also didn’t know enough about the surrounding area to tell him any other places I could go to that were adjacent or near the place.

So I ended up implying I needed to start a journey at the…eh…Tavern…where you meet Julian for the second time in the game. That I needed to start there, but wouldn’t stay there. So he…wouldn’t come looking for me and possibly run into Julian who’s…kind of hunting him.

The Rowdy Raven.

I walked in about two hours ago, and sat in the back. I have no coin to pay for drinks, so I stay quiet and still, hoping I won’t get thrown out before I can find Julian. I’m hoping he frequents this place. With his open familiarity with it in the game…well. It’s likely he comes here a lot, even just to socialize.

It’s when I take out my Major Arcana deck and start shuffling it to pass the time that a man in a puffy white shirt sits across from me.

I pause in my shuffling with my eyes still on the deck because, oh my god…

“Fancy meeting an Oracle here,” a deep voice with clear diction. “Looking for something, milady?”

I finally lift my eyes and nearly have a heart attack.

He’s right there. Right in front of me. Curly, wavy, out of control red hair-- eyepatch and all…

“I…came to find _you_?” I mutter as my face turns red.

He grins and leans over the table, leaning his jaw in one hand. “Did you? Is destiny calling out to me?”

“You got a reading before, but you didn’t let Zhasti tell you what it meant,” I say in a rush. “I have to explain it to you.”

I only saw the one card, the Death card. But it was enough I can give him advice.

His expression sours, “seemed fairly straightforward to me…”

“Tarot is never straightforward,” I inform him. “The Death card doesn’t refer to physical death, but change. New beginnings, the end of a cycle.”

He blinks and his eyes widen, “does it really? Why isn’t Zhasti here themself if they wanted to tell me this?”

I blush a little harder, “Zhasti…doesn’t know I came.”

He blinks again. “I…don’t understand?”

“I felt an imminent need to explain it to you. I feel like it’s…important.” I say as I fidget. “I don’t know why, but…intuition is supposed to be followed.”

“Hmmm…” he tilts his head and thinks for a moment before grinning at me again. “Since you’re here and all…trade a drink for another reading?”

 _I_ blink this time. “Uh…do they have any fruit juice or nonalcoholic drinks that are sweet?” I ask uncertainly.

He huffs a small laugh, “not one for good alcohol, then.”

“Not for any, really. Not unless it’s a really sweet and fruity wine or something-”

His grin is brilliant, then, “sweet and fruity wine, I can do. Be right back.”

And then he’s gone. And I’m a little overwhelmed. He’s…incredibly intense? Even just for that short period I felt like my entire world was being centered around Julian and his around mine. He’s…good at making you feel like you’re in on an intimate conversation even when you’re not, I guess.

He glances back over his shoulder at me from the bar and grins again when he sees me looking at him.

I wait until he looks away and then stare down at the cards in my hands, shuffling them furiously in different ways to distract myself. I can’t believe he caught me staring at him. I think I’m melting.

He’s just so infuriatingly _pretty_ , damn it. And not in any…like…conventional sense? I mean he’s got the jawline and the nose and the shape of his eyes and everything…but he also looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, with those bruises over his eyes. And of course his hair is striking, but messy and all over the place. Curling and out of control…

I’m trying to convince myself of a thing and I just ended up making it worse. On a scale of one to ten he’s like freaking fifteen. There’s no talking my way out of noticing that.

“Here you are,” he settles at the table after putting my mug down in front of me and I stare at it as he sits across from me. “Best wine I’ve ever tasted.”

Since his favorite beverage is black coffee that probably means a lot of bitterness.

I put down my deck to pull the mug over to smell the drink inside. That alcoholic smell is there, sure…but it’s mostly overshadowed by this…well. It smells grape-y. But also…Strawberry-y?

“You know how to taste wine, then,” he says curiously as he sips from his own mug.

I realize I’ve been doing that thing where you swirl the wine to waft the scent up to your face and stop with a blush on my face. “Not…not really. I’ve just…seen other people doing it.”

He hums, “going to taste it and then spit it out?” He’s grinning at me.

I purse my lips at him, “no.” Taking a small sip, I swirl the wine around in my mouth and find it surprisingly…okay. “That’s not bad.”

“Not bad, she says,” he chuckles.

“Well it didn’t make me want to rip my tongue out and scrape it with a wire brush, so yeah.” I pout. “Not bad.”

A real laugh this time and god, is every part of him just gorgeous? He tips his head back a bit and bares his throat as he does and I want to _die_ when I remember…

I bit him, in the game. And he _liked_ it. At the time I assumed it was going to be a funny option. Like, you’d tease him by scraping your teeth over his throat and then walk away or… _something else_. But no. He responds enthusiastically to being bitten and that is a thing I know and _should not_ know.

So I’m currently trying not to let him see my flushed face by ducking my head and letting my hood shadow my expression. I pull the deck back over and shuffle it again, pulling three cards from the deck, flipping them over and then contemplating each one, their meanings and how their meanings fit together.

Well, he got the Death card again. Coupled with the Tower, inverted and…The sun? Oh!

“This is a great reading,” I say with some surprise. “The end to a cycle, perhaps one that was hurting you or others…an inverted tower which indicates learning and liberation…and the sun card which is a very happy, optimistic card. I’d say there’s a lesson you’re going to learn that will liberate you from a harmful cycle and lead you to happiness.”

Which are all things I kind of knew? Asra wants him to learn a lesson and he was harming himself and others somehow…so learning to stop could only lead to good things…

Julian is staring down at the cards with intensity, but also resignation. “I already learned that lesson…and I’m still…caught in the cycle.”

“Are you sure the lesson you learned is the one that’s intended to free you?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. “It could very well be that you need to learn multiple things, or one specific lesson that you haven’t even touched yet.”

He sighs, “how am I supposed to learn it if I don’t know what it is, then?”

“You listen to others,” I reply.

He looks at me in surprise, “about what?”

“About _you_ ,” I say. “If someone says you’re doing something harmful, to yourself or others, really think about it. If it’s a behavior or thought that needs changing, do so.”

He thinks about that for a series of moments that seem to stretch on and on the longer he’s silent. Fingertip caressing the lip of his mug in a way that is just unfairly provocative and elegant.

He startles me when his hands slam on the tabletop and he stands up. “I have…to go…enjoy your drink!” He slants me a slightly fearful grin and then rushes off through the Tavern, weaving expertly through the patrons.

Sighing and sipping at my mug, I wonder if I’ve actually helped him or set the path to his demise in motion…


	5. Chapter 5

“I’d be careful around anyone that might be looking to sabotage your success lately,” I advise the woman paying for her reading with a loaf of some kind of sweet bread. “It seems that someone is jealous of what you’ve accomplished and intends to make you look bad or at the least, try to use your success for themselves.”

She clicks her tongue, “I ‘aven’t _done_ anything anyone can use.”

“This is a portent for the future,” I remind her. “So even if you haven’t yet, that doesn’t mean you _won’t_.”

She huffs and stands, leaving the shop and her bread behind, obviously dissatisfied.

Groaning, I slump over the table and hide my face in my arms. “I’m so horrible at this.”

“I think it was pretty good, actually,” Zhasti walks in and sits across from me. They’re wearing silks today.

“Been to the palace?” I ask.

They grin, “the Countess wants me to come in for some kind of test.”

I falter at that and blink. “A test.”

“She’s skeptical of most Oracles, but thinks I’m different, for some reason,” they say in confusion. “I suppose I’ll see what happens when I get there.”

“I’m getting…a feeling,” I inform them. “Do you want…nevermind.”

“No, tell me!” they insist. “Any advice can be helpful.”

I groan and sigh, “you’ll end up passing the test no matter what, it just…depends on what you find along the way.”

They quirk a brow and tilt their head at me.

Rolling my eyes, I advise, “you wanna encounter what became of Lucio, follow the dogs. If not, escape them…and be nice to him.” I say with a pout. “I’m pretty sure he’s got nothing to do with any of it. And even if he does…I think he’s changed. Or had his reasons or…something.” Lucio was apparently awful…what if he…did something horrible? That…reservoir and everything…

Zhasti gives me a look.

“It’ll make sense or it won’t,” I reply. “That’s my advice.”

They shrug, “I’ll be sure to make use of it if I can, then.”

Uh huh.

“Time to be off,” they grin and leave the alcove.

And this is all very weird, cause I could swear Asra’s supposed to be gone and come back after the test…but obviously reality doesn’t go on the same timeline…so what does that mean for what I know?

I could think I know something and be wrong.

Agonizing over that idea for a few minutes, I wonder if I should follow Zhasti and tell him to disregard what I told him…

I groan again and wrap my arms around my head, lifting my hand to pluck a piece of bread off and then looking up long enough to pop it in my mouth.

And I nearly choke on it. As it is, I swallow it hard without chewing and cough a little before I can speak. “Julian!”

There he is, across the room, wearing that incredibly dramatic outfit. With the cape and everything. “Ah. Hello there…” he says awkwardly. “Is Asra in?”

“No,” I reply. “Even if he were, I don’t believe it’d be wise for you to see him.”

He looks surprised and then suspicious, “did he…tell you about me?”

Pursing my lips, I hold up my deck, “you want me to read the outcome of that confrontation?”

He grumbles under his breath and heads for the door.

Asra’s gonna be gone for hours, off shopping and probably spying on Zhasti and Nadia…

“Hey, come here.” I tilt my head at the seat across from me. Zhasti left the drapery open, that’s the only reason I can see him over there at all. Usually it’d be draped right in my way. Funny coincidence…

“I don’t need another reading, thank-”

“Come. Here,” I use my most commanding tone of voice and give him a sour look.

His lips press together and a slight blush starts to suffuse his face as he walks over to the reading area. “What?”

“Sit,” I gesture at the seat across from me.

He sighs and slouches into the space.

I push the bread at him, “share this with me.”

He blinks, “I’m not really hungry.”

“Julian,” I say his name sternly.

He huffs as his face turns redder and he yanks a hunk of bread off and pops it in his mouth. Then gestures at his chewing jaw as if to say ‘see? I’m eating it!’.

“Very good,” I say with a self-satisfied smile. “Now…when was the last time you slept?”

His ears are pink, it’s so cute. “I’ll sleep when I get tired,” he says.

“You look plenty tired to me,” I say with a quirked brow.

“I’m not a child,” he says. Pouting cutely. “I can take care of myself.”

“Your eye looks like you got punched a couple times, Jules,” I reply. Pointing at his eye and lifting my brow higher, “how do you work when you’re so exhausted? Do you ever get shit mixed up? I hope to god you’re not practicing medicine while you’re like this.”

He sighs loudly, “what do you want from me?”

“A basic level of self-care?” I say with a tilt of my head and a cheeky smirk.

His lips curl inward a bit, pressing together, and then it looks like he’s biting them. “I’m still alive, doesn’t that count?” he asks as his lips pull into a grin that I suppose he thinks is charming and in fact just kind of looks painful.

“Surviving isn’t living,” I reply. “Promise you’ll take a nap and I’ll let you be on your way without further complaint.”

His lips thin out and then slip into another pout, “I could just lie.”

“Could…” I drawl and pout back.

Julian swallows and reaches out to rip off another piece of bread, “why does it matter to you?”

“I’m sure you matter to a lot of people,” I reply.

The bread pauses at his lips and he stares at me for a moment, before putting it in his mouth and looking away from me. “It isn’t right for me to matter to…anyone,” he says softly after he swallows.

“Right and wrong don’t factor into mattering to someone. It just is,” I pop a shrug. “Now the question is, are you going to respect that you matter to people and take care of yourself for their sake, or keep self-destructing?”

He looks at me from under his eyelashes, drumming his fingertips on the tabletop, “is this one of those times when ‘listening to others about myself’ is supposed to help me learn things?”

I quirk him a smirk, “it could be.”

He sighs and plucks up another piece of bread, a bigger bit this time. Then chews for a while as he thinks that through.

And then he’s just sitting there, looking at me for a moment before, “fine. A nap it is. How much more of this bread do I have to eat?”


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s so good!” Zhasti is eating the pastry and drinking the tea I made. “It’s so fluffy and…sweet!”

“I was goin’ for fluffy and sweet, thanks,” I reply, amused. “I figured you could use it, if…things went a certain way.”

“It was nice of you to think of me,” they say with a smile. “And…” they bite their lip. “Are you certain what I encountered…was what was left of Lucio?”

“Pretty damn,” I respond. Then frown, “I mean. It’s possible I’m wrong.”

“No, I don’t think you are, I was just…making certain,” they say.

“I got some ingredients over the past few days…” I say slowly. “I had the things I needed to make the pastries, and I have some eggs leftover if you or Asra get hungry.”

“People are paying you in food?” they ask in surprise. “We don’t normally accept food. Usually hard to tell the quality.”

“I only accepted the fresh eggs and ingredients that I could examine to be sure they weren’t…bad. Or stale,” I shrug. “I don’t accept already-made food. Especially not bread products…I know that’s a can of worms I don’t want to open.”

They laugh. “Did you make enough for Asra? Of the pastries? I want him to taste one.”

“Sure, got two set aside under the counter,” I flick my wrist carelessly and pick up the basket with the rest in it. “Gotta go find some people to give the rest to.”

“Did you have some?” they ask as I walk around them.

“I’ll have one or two on the way,” I reply with a smile over my shoulder as I walk out the door.

Asra’s still doing the ‘dodging his feelings’ thing, so he’s out more often than he’s in. I need to have a talk with that guy, soon. About the memory erasing and everything…and about Julian and what went down in the palace that night. He has to have some idea of what went on.

Ah-ha!

I spot a hulking shadow moving away down an alley nearby as I leave the shop and chase after it. I mean, I don’t run or anything, but I definitely speed-walk. Until I’m near enough to call out, “hey big guy!” I’m not supposed to know his name is Muriel, yet.

He pauses on his way and glance backwards at me approaching them.

I smile as brightly as I’m able. “You’re one of Asra’s friends, right?”

He stares at me blankly for a moment.

“I’ve seen you around the shop and Asra doesn’t seem alarmed at your hanging about so I kind of…deduced,” I say to his expression.

His head dips in a tentative nod.

“Okay, here then,” I pull out two more pastries, small things-- and hold them out to him. “Want some?”

He blinks and slowly moves his hands into a cupped form in front of him. So I put the pastries in his palms.

He’s still staring at me, perplexed when I giggle and turn to leave, “you’re so cute. See you around!”

The devs always talked about him like he was a Gentle Ben kind of character. Big, scary-looking outsides, soft fluffy insides. I dunno why that kind of thing endears me so much, but it does.

So I leave the befuddled bear-man there and go towards the markets. It’s the time of day I should be able to-ah!

I see a flash of ginger hair and race into the groupings of people after it. It takes me a while to weave between everyone and find her…

And when I do, the Countess is there.

Portia and the Countess are hanging out on a side street, whispering to each other, obviously arguing. Portia is probably telling her that she’s not fooling anybody.

I mean, beyond the fact that Nadia’s probably the most gorgeous human being to walk the earth…she’s still wearing lots of jewelry and fine silks. Everybody probably knows who she is.

I wade through the bodies to make it into the alleyway, “oh hello!” I call out to them.

Nadia and Portia glance at me, both of them seeming to draw a blank on why I’m talking to them or who I am.

“I live with Zhasti and Asra,” I inform them.

There’s recognition on Portia’s face, but not Nadia’s. Portia smiles, “oh you’re that wayward magician! It’s wonderful to meet you.”

“I’m less a real magician and more of an…instinctive kind of…seer?” I say hesitantly. Flushing deeply at their looks. Nadia interested and also skeptical and Portia kind of confused. “It’s…I have different methods and sometimes receive warnings and feelings even without the cards.” I explain.

Nadia hums, “are you helping the Apprentice with the investigation?” she asks.

I shrug, “in a way…but I have a piece of advice for you. Something I think you need to hear.”

Nadia inclines her head and sweeps toward me, kind of towering over me. She’s so lovely and smells so good, it almost makes my brain short circuit. “What is it?”

I hum, “I got these words exactly for you: ‘you need to reevaluate what you think you already know. You have been…misinformed’.” I dunno if that will help or just turn everything into a witch hunt, but hell, I tried.

She stares at me intensely. “Misinformed, you say?”

“It could be by accident…” I say slowly. “Or on purpose.”

She inhales sharply and draws herself up, “I see. If you will excuse me…I have people to speak to about something important.”

And then Nadia is sweeping past me and heading for an incredibly fine…what do they call them? Not wagons…carts? No…

“Well, if you’re a seer like Zhasti and Asra,” Portia speaks and I suddenly remember her.

I turn to look at her with an inquisitive glance and tilt of my head.

She smiles softly, “have…anything to tell _me_?”

And I figure it can’t hurt…right? “I’m gonna do my damnedest to keep him safe, Portia,” I say. Quiet and intense. “Even from himself, if necessary. He won’t be throwing himself on anyone’s mercy if I have anything to say about it.”

She pales, but searches my face, slowly regaining the color as she takes my meaning and parses what I’m saying. “Why would you do that?”

I sigh, “I’m kind of unwisely in love with him.” And then shrug.

She snorts a little bit and covers her mouth with her hand, eyes sparkling at me. Portia is a charming woman. “Unwisely?”

“He’s a masochist,” I say in explanation. “In the process of causing himself hardship he’s prolly gonna cause me a lot too. And we’re not even involved!” I toss my hands up. “But I’ll give it my best shot.”

She chuckles and adjusts a sack over her shoulder, filled with things from the market, I’d wager. “I hope you succeed, then…” and then her lips purse and tears shimmer in her eyes. “So he really is here, then…?”

“Nobody on his side of town is gonna turn him in, and if Zhasti hasn’t yet, they probably won’t,” I say, shrugging.

She smiles and moves past me. “I’ll hope you’re right then, Seer.”

It’s probably a testament to how much people around here put stock in magic and Asra specifically that Nadia didn’t balk at my warning. And Portia is so desperate for news of her brother from a source that isn’t dangerous or likely to get her in trouble…

And the fact that she accepted the ‘I’m in love with your asshole brother’ as a reassurance…is kind of telling.

Now…off to find Julian after I…do something else.


	7. Chapter 7

It didn’t take much time to sneak into the Countess’s garden and find some white roses.

Took even less time to snip off a bouquet and drop it through the door that leads to Lucio’s room. I ended up with a bunch of stinging cuts on my hands, but they didn’t bleed much. Just a drop here and there.

And then I was bolting out the door to get away because I could hear running and barking.

So after picking brambles out of my hair and clothes which was kind of a horrible, uncomfortable task…I went off on my way to my last stop. Stinging cuts and bramble pokes almost unbearable until I got a bit on my way and it all went kind of numb.

The Rowdy Raven.

I figured, even if he wasn’t there, I could hand off the pastries for him to the bartender and have him keep them for him, or something. They’re pretty cool by the time I get to the tavern and it’s…about sundown.

So when I walk in to find Julian playing card games with little old ladies, I’m not really surprised…

But really, he doesn’t stop his life for anything, huh? Just keeps on keepin’ on. It’s admirable and kind of horrifying all at once.

Horrifying because ‘what if he gets caught’ and admirable because ‘he gives no fucks’. I’m not sure why I admire that attitude, I just know I do.

I wait off to the side, watching him play with the little old ladies for a while because it’s just…so Julian.

“You are cheating, Etta,” he informs one of them. “Take that card out of your sleeve.”

The elderly woman pouts cutely and slaps a card on the table. Huffing, “it’s only a three!”

“Cheating is cheating, no matter the degree,” he replies with a snarky little grin.

“And what about you?” another little old lady at the table asks. “No one is this naturally lucky!”

He chuckles, “luck, skill… a combination of both…”

“Well you need to let us little old ladies try to win back our dignity, why don’t you go talk to your little friend?” And that’s when one of them apparently notices me gazing adoringly at him because she points right at me when she says that.

I go bright red just as Julian turns around to blink at me and then a wide smirk is stretching across his face and I get redder. “I suppose I will!”

I huff and duck my head, reaching inside my basket to grasp one of the pastries as he says his goodbyes to the little old ladies.

When he walks over, he’s doing that swaggering thing he tends to do when he thinks he can be smooth.

As he approaches me, he speaks, but not for long. “So what do I owe the-”

Because I stuff the pastry in his mouth just a little bit. “I made pastries. Try one,” I say sweetly.

He’s turning red again, and I feel victorious at turning this situation on its head. He grunts and reaches up to grab the pastry-- then his other hand grabs my wrist as I pull my hand away.

I hiss at the sudden sting of pain and he frowns as he chews what little he’s bitten off and gives me a rather severe look. “And what happened here?”

“It’s fine, Julian,” I reply. “We have herbal stuff at the shop I can use to clean my hands and wrap them up and stuff-”

He makes a discontented noise and pulls as he turns and walks for the bar. “You have to take open wounds seriously, no matter how small they are. You could get an infection.”

I almost argue with him, when I remember this isn’t Earth.

This is Vesuvia. A country in the past, sort of, that doesn’t have as advanced medicine. Or immune systems. No herd immunity or anything, either, probably. Except maybe against smallpox if they have the cowpox vaccine figured out yet…

So I settle at the bar with a sigh as Julian orders clear alcohol and a bowl. I know it’s going to sting, but if it makes him feel better, why not? Can’t exactly get on his ass about self-care and then not walk the walk that I talk.

Or something.

I was right, it stings like hell. I end up hissing like a cat at a bath and breathing through clenched teeth as he pours alcohol all over my wounds. Up my wrists a bit too, because apparently I whacked myself with the thorns in places I didn’t notice. Next time I’m wearin’ real gloves…

I just gotta buy some. These ones are just for show. Pretty but not very functional.

“What were you doing to get all cut up like this?” he asks.

“Picking flowers, mostly,” I reply. “Roses, specifically.”

He hums, “you need better gloves.”

I nod, “I know. But I don’t know where to get them or what they’d cost. And I don’t get paid in coins, most times…”

He pulls a roll of bandages out of his pocket, I shit you not. And starts winding them around my still-wet wrist and fingers. “This should at least keep dirt from getting into them…but you need to put something on them when you get back.”

I stretch my fingers and rotate my wrists once he’s done and smile, “thanks, Jules.”

He looks up at me and flusters, shoving the leftover bandages into his pocket and dumping the bowl out into what looks like a trash barrel nearby and clearing his throat. “Well, uh…why are you here?”

“I told you, I made pastries,” I pick up the one on the bar he’d set down and hold it out to him again.

He sighs and takes it from me, “I have a feeling if I refused, you’d just shove it down my throat. I do eat, you know.”

“Not nearly enough,” I respond. “So I’m just gonna come around and shove food in your face every once in a while.”

He chews another mouthful of the pastry and flashes me an embarrassed look.

“If a pretty girl makes you food, you eat it,” the bartender tells him as they scrub the top of the bar with a rag.

“Damn straight,” I agree, grinning.

Julian tilts his head at me and takes another bite, like he’s analyzing me while he chews.

“What?” I ask, blinking.

He swallows and licks his lips in a slow, deliberate way that makes me turn red all over again. Damn him. And then he’s smirking at me again, “oh just…admiring the pretty girl.”

It is at that point I lose all ability to converse and just end up slapping the last pastry on the bar with a stern look as my face flames before leaving the tavern.


	8. Chapter 8

“You don’t think he did it,” Zhasti says. Slowly and with mounting confusion. “Why not?”

“For one, I actually happen to know him a little,” I reply. “As does like, half of Vesuvia. And nobody believes he could’ve done something like that. Not without some really intense provocation, at least.”

“Lucio…” Asra sighs, “he was a demanding man. Angry when he didn’t get his way. It’s possible he was provoked. But that would mean it was still Ilya, and provocation or not, he would still have to be-”

“Do you actually believe he did it?” I ask, cutting him off. “Julian’s not…like that. He can’t just go around murdering people, he doesn’t…work that way.”

Asra shrugs, “I wouldn’t say it was possible, no. But there are no other suspects, as far as I’ve heard. Or evidence.”

“I need to talk to Lucio again, don’t I?” Zhasti asks, their mouth and eyebrows pinched in irritation.

“I’d talk to the courtiers as well,” I reply. “And…maybe spend more time with Nadia, too.”

“Nadia?” they ask. “Does she know something, do you think?”

“I think maybe she has other pieces of the puzzle that you don’t,” I say slowly and carefully. “Even if she doesn’t think she knows something…she might lead you to something important. And…be sure to at least ask around. I mean, people who weren’t even involved might have heard things that are important to know.”

They put their chin in their palm and hum to themselves in thought, “this is going to take a lot of work to get done before the Masquerade. Especially if I have to do more than just find him, I mean…I could just go down to the Rowdy Raven right now if he were the culprit for certain…but Portia doesn’t seem to think he’s done it either.”

“Portia?” I didn’t think you got that conversation unless you went to Julian and they took the Lucio route…but this isn’t a game. They met Julian later, I know that, but…it’s still throwing me off. “Well yeah… I mean, even the other servants and guards, you should…ask all of them about it.”

They nod and stand up from the table, “alright. Gathering evidence before making a determination, I can do that.”

“Be careful,” Asra asks them with sincere worry. “I don’t believe it could be Ilya, not really…but if it is…”

“Julian’s prepared to accept punishment if it was really him,” I say. “He wouldn’t hurt Zhasti to get away. He’s just…not sure he really did it or…”

“Right,” Asra sighs. “Just…” he reaches out and pauses just short of touching Zhasti, pulling his hand back and blushing, looking away. “Just watch yourself and be careful. There are other dangers.”

“Oh yeah!” I get up and move around the counter to get the little basket of pomegranate pastries for the dogs I made. “This is for the dogs. They love pomegranates so I made pomegranate dog biscuits!”

Zhasti gets up and hugs me. So hard it’s difficult to breathe and I blush up to my hairline.

They’re really pretty, okay?

They put me down on my feet and take the little basket, grinning at me. “This is great! Now I can keep them busy while I’m doing things around the palace!”

“They scarf down anything with pomegranates, so you’d better run after tossing them,” Asra observes with a smile.

Zhasti grins and misses that Asra knows anything about the palace in their excitement, dashing out the door with the biscuits.

I give him a big ole side-eye, though. “You’re gonna have to tell them what you know, eventually.”

Asra watches me with an unwavering gaze from under his hair and a little out of the side of his eyes.

“I’m not gonna say anything, it’s your job to tell them,” I inform him. “It has to be you.”

And then Asra sighs and sips his tea, “I know.”

“You might find them more ready to know after they come back from their other investigations,” I tell him, gently. “If not…I’m sure you’ll know what to do.” I think they roll with my weird knowledge because-- magic. Like…they’re magicians, so if I know things I’m not supposed to, it’s just normal for them?

He stares into his tea mug and nods, “I do.”

“As for me, I’ve gotta be somewhere today, are you good by yourself in the shop?” I don’t normally get customers after lunch. Anyone coming in at that time is usually after Asra or Zhasti for a reading or poultice or something…

Huh. Probably a reason for that.

“Going to see Ilya again?” he asks my retreating back.

And I stop with a little squibble in my stomach and turn to look at him over my shoulder. “Are you interested in seeing him anytime soon? He’s been hunting for you, you know.”

His gaze darts away and he leans his chin in his hand, looking like a fucking GQ model painted by a renaissance master. “Is that why I’ve felt the urgent need to leave the shop so much lately? Hm.”

“Is there any way to remove it?” I ask. “If he wanted to, is there a way? Or is it permanent?”

Asra shrugs, “I have no idea. Whatever I did has been…well. Ilya did something, I’m not sure what. It’s still mine, but…also not.”

Well that isn’t ominous.


	9. Chapter 9

Julian seems to have figured out I have…some kind of feelings for him.

He keeps flirting in that smooth way he does when he thinks he has control of the situation. And then, of course, I flip it on him.

"Coffee? What did I do to deserve this?" he asks as he sips from the canteen I filled this morning and had Asra enchant to stay hot.

I dunno how he did it, but he let me watch and I could swear I could…feel things.

"Why does someone have to do something to get something?" I ask cheekily.

He huffs as he screws the cap back on and smirks at me. "That _is_ how it usually tends to work, my dear."

I flush at the endearment and narrow my eyes at him, "maybe it's just for looking pretty."

He flusters, predictably. "Eh…Ih…"

I chuckle and take a bite of the sandwich I ordered from the barkeep. "I just thought you could use some, Jules. Relax. There is no equivalent exchange when it comes to me. I just like spoiling people."

After his flushed face has somewhat returned to its normal pallid tones…he slouches over the table and looks up at me from under his eyelashes. "So you do this with everyone?"

"I have to be extra sure to check in on you, because you don't take care of yourself- but usually yeah I tend to do this to a lot of people," I shrug. "Smaller scale, same actions."

His lips slip into a pout and then a grin when he notices me glaring at him and turning pink again. He knows how pretty he is, but apparently believes that's where his charm ends. It makes me sad to remember Julian doesn't think he's lovable.

So I do something ill-advised and lean back toward him over the table, leaning on my forearms like he is on his and cock my head. "I do find it more enjoyable to bug _you_ , though." And then I boop his nose and stand up from the booth.

Meanwhile his face is matching his hair for shade. "Wh-why is that?" he gathers enough wherewithal to ask.

"You look cute in pink," I respond in all innocence.

He huffs a little, but he's still _deeply_ red. I'm worried he's gonna pass out, actually. "I would say the same, but I'm afraid of your response."

I grin sharply, "so he _can_ learn. That's good."

His lips purse a little and he starts to regain his paleness, slowly. "I just don't understand why I'm your newest project?"

"There's no deeper reason, Jules. I just like you," I reply.

He looks away and unscrews the flask to drink more coffee, "there's always a deeper reason."

"Maybe, maybe not," I say. Mostly just to screw with him. "So are you still making house calls and shit or is this place your unofficial office?"

"I have another place I go to see clients," he says. "Were you in need of healing, then?" he asks with that casual grin.

I shrug, "no. Just curious. Maybe we'll play doctor later."

And then I leave the tavern, listening to Julian choke a little on his coffee behind me and snickering to myself. I wasn't sure that saying would translate, but apparently it does.

Cool.

As I leave the Tavern, I get this…curious feeling. Like I'm being watched.

So I turn this way and that, nonchalantly as I possibly can, trying to find the eyeballs lookin' at me.

And then I see them.

"Aww, where's your momma, baby?" I coo and walk into the alleyway where a kitten is currently curled up in a pile of rope.

It's not super skinny and appears to be in good health, so it's at least eating, even if it's alone. It stares at me with a pair of focused green eyes, dark reddish-brown fur lush and banded with black around its tail and touching the tips of its ears.

"You're a pretty kitty, aren't you?" I reach out a fingertip, just far enough that it starts to lean its head back away from me and stop.

It leans forward when it sees I've stopped moving toward it and sniffs my finger, then presses its forehead against my hand. So it's at least been around people before, then. It doesn't seem too wild.

"Oooh, you're so precious, pretty kitty," I coo some more. I can't help myself with baby animals, it just kinda happens.

It curls and then flops onto its side, pressing its back against my hand so I'll pet along the length of its spine. It makes me laugh.

It _mrows_ at me and purrs as I stroke its fuzzy little head and along its sides. I try a tentative stroke near its belly and it tenses up, so I drift back toward its sides. Some cats like belly rubs, some don't.

And something…happens. From one moment to the next.

I feel like the world spins on its axis inside my body and then halts, and starts again.

I blink up at the sky from my place on the ground, apparently having fallen backwards, insensate.

' _Did I just have a seizure_?' I'm fucked if I did. Julian barely knows medieval-ish medicine, there's no way he'd have any kind of medicine for _seizures_ -

_Home_

A child's voice?

I frown and look at my chest, where the kitten I was petting, is now lying. Right between my boobs, tail swishing and with its little paws tucked under its body.

_Home_

The voice is originating from the cat.

So either I'm having auditory hallucinations after my seizure, or-

' _I. NEED. ASRA_ '

… … … …

And that's how I ended up running all the way back to the shop, clutching a kitten in my arms.

"Congratulations," Asra intones with a smile. "It's always a momentous thing when a magician finds a familiar."

I'm still kind of staring at the snake on his shoulder.

Faust. How did I forget about Faust.

Asra notices and glances at his shoulder, "oh there you are, Faust. Finally decide to come out and meet our new friend?"

My kitten hisses in my arms and I have to struggle to keep him still. "Sh…shit…"

"Are you alright?" Zhasti was wet when I got here. So…they apparently went on that adventure with Nadia. To the Lazaret.

I think they and Asra had _a talk_ because when I got home, the air was tense. The distraction of me finding my new familiar was apparently incredibly welcome.

"I…snake," I squeak.

Faust has disappeared into Asra's clothes by this point. Asra sighs, "ah, you're afraid of snakes."

The kitten in my arms is purring and rubbing itself against my chest, trying to soothe me, I think.

_Safe_

The kitten's voice whispers to my mind.

"Is it supposed to actually sound like he's talking to me?" I ask with a weird little stomach flip. "I thought it was supposed to be like, abstract feelings and shit."

"It can be," Asra says, stroking a small bulge under his shirt which I assume is Faust's head.

"I'm sorry," I say and sigh, shoulders drooping. "I can't…maybe. If you just warn me when she's in the room, I won't have such a bad reaction."

"We'll try to remember," Zhasti passes me a mug of tea. "Can't have your new friend trying to eat Faust to protect you, after all."

I flush and pout, "he wouldn't do that."

"What's his name?" Asra asks with a soft smile.

God, he's so pretty. As is Zhasti, who kind of leans on the table and cradles their chin in their hand. Long brownish-black hair spilling over their shoulders to frame their face.

"Uh…I don't know?" I ask, uncertainly.

Asra laughs, bright and clear and entrancing. "You haven't given him one yet?"

"Uh…" I look down at the kitten in my arms. "What's your name, do you think?"

He tilts his head and perks his ears at me, but there's no response.

"I…have no idea what to name you," I say.

He purrs and looks at me with his large green eyes. So pretty. So precious.

Faust's name is elegant, and since she's the only Familiar I know of…I'll try for something elegant.

Now, what would I associate red, brown and green with? Spring and Fall? Blood and Emeralds? Dirt and Plants? Uh…Gem? Treasure? Sanguine?

I sag over the table and the kitten hops up on top of it to sit on the back of my head. Still purring.

"You'll figure something out," Zhasti assures me, hand patting my shoulder.

A pained groan is my answer to that.


	10. Chapter 10

I sleep downstairs in that back area where we do readings. The little cushions that you sit on are really comfortable. My new familiar is sleeping on my hair above my head and I'm having trouble getting used to the extra company.

I guess that's a good thing, though. 

_Intruder_

The kitten hops off my head and rushes off into the shop, which alarms me a little bit. What could've made him do that?

"Ow!" a voice hisses in the dark.

And because I know who it likely is, I roll my eyes, dropping back into the cushions and sighing. "It's fine, it's just Julian." I say it loud enough they can both hear me, hopefully.

I am proven correct when my kitten comes barreling back in to jump up on the cushions and curls up next to my head.

Since they're not on my hair, I sit up and run my fingers through it, watching the shadow of the back entrance with a raised eyebrow. "Gonna come in all the way or just loom there in the darkness?" I ask softly.

Julian steps into the low light of the all-night lamp that Asra puts up just in case one of us needs to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

They have sort-of toilets? That was a surprise.

It isn't a bright light, but I can still see-

"The fuck, Jules?" I leap across the space between us a little suddenly. "What- oh! Oh my god, I'm so sorry."

I realize the scratches all over his face are from my new kitten attacking him. That's what the 'ow!' was about.

He flicks his wrist and steps away from my fluttering hands, "it's-. I'm fine. They'll be gone soon."

"Still, doesn't it hurt?" I kinda thought his pain kink was only really active if someone he liked was causing him pain or if he was like…'in the mood'? Every time he experiences pain outside of that, he doesn't seem to like it. Like in the Halloween trinket scene when he's stumbling all over the place and cursing or with the eel bite before you started touching it…

"Yes, of course it hurts," he shrugs. "But pain is nothing to a doctor, or at least…well, it shouldn't be. You get kicked in the face by a lot of expectant mothers. They don't mean to, of course," he says sheepishly. And then smiles in a way that makes my heart speed up a little bit. "So…you could say I have intimate knowledge of it."

He says it matter-of-factly, with no hint of lasciviousness whatsoever in his tone.

If I didn't already know about his pain kink, I wouldn't gather it from that. So I let it slide. Just to…be less creepy about knowing things I'm not supposed to know.

"What _else_ do you know intimately?" I ask, instead of focusing on the pain thing. That's…different, right? God, I can't resist the urge to flirt with him.

He blushes and stammers a little, so I chuckle and grab one of his wrists, "come on. Sit with me."

"I-ah…came to see Asra," he says. "Or…or Zhasti, if they're in."

"Even if they are, they're asleep," I reply. "I have no idea if either of them are cranky when they wake up because I'm always the last to wake up…but I wouldn't take the chance. Magicians, fire and curses and all that."

He's a little pale when we reach the alcove where I'm sleeping, so I think he's taking that really seriously and imagining all the possible consequences. Julian never seems all that afraid of anything…could it be he's afraid of magic because of the curse?

"Come sit, Jules. You wanna stay till they wake up, feel free…but Asra'll prolly duck out a window, somehow knowing you're here. So you either chance magic to the face, or…" I shrug with a smirk as I settle back into the cushions, pulling my familiar into my lap and giving him a few strokes while he purrs.

Julian sighs and settles next to me, head tipped back against the wall behind him and looking up at the ceiling dejectedly. "I just…this damn curse…it's…"

"Does it have drawbacks besides the whole…" I gesture at him. "Thing it does?"

"Besides taking injuries from others and having to sleep for hours and hours afterwards to regain my strength?" he asks. "I suppose it's simply that it's inconvenient. I would keep it if it didn't exhaust me, quite so much," he says. "To heal people this way…it's…"

"There's nothing else?" I ask, careful not to push. If he denies it, I'll back off and change the subject.

He makes a face, "I have…strange dreams. But I think that's just me." He's smiling that pained grin, again. "I just…"

And something strikes me, so hard I stop petting the kitten and stare at him. I can feel my face draining of color.

He glances at me at the silence and tension suddenly in the air and looks worried. "Are you al-"

"You want to die," I whisper, cutting him off.

He blinks and then huffs, a hand lifting to run through his riotous curls. "Not really, no. I…want the _capacity_ to die, back."

Well that's…slightly different. "Oh thank god," escapes me in a rush. I put my hand over my mouth afterwards, a little shocked that I just blurted that out.

Julian watches me for a moment, with a contemplative look on his face. "May I…ask you a question?"

I drop my hand back to the kitten and pet him, the purring starting immediately as I do. "Sure. Anything you want." Jesus, what's wrong with me?

His head tilts and I think maybe the darkness is hiding a blush because the look on his face and the way his eyes dart away is very telling. "Do you…are you…interested in me? Eh…romantically?"

I blink once, long and slow. "…huh?"

"I mean," he stumbles to explain himself. "I just, eh, I mean to say, that you…you seem to be…interested? In me? But at times, I'm not…certain?"

I'm struck silent with shock for a moment at the fact that I am apparently way better at hiding my incredibly obvious crush than I thought.

"I don't…understand?" I say with a sort of higher octave that somehow goes unnoticed.

"It's just, sometimes you seem, I'm mistaken-" he says, touching the table like he's about to use it to vault out of his seat. "S-sorry, I-"

I panic. Badly. So I put the kitten down beside me and swing one of my legs over his lap, suddenly straddling him with my hands on his shoulders and…at a loss for what else to fuckin' do.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE INTERNET.
> 
> I'M UPDATING EVERYTHING I CAN RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

At this angle, with the lamp casting light on this half of Julian's face better than the other that I was looking at before- I can  _see_  his expression start to change.

And it kind of shocks me.

The way his eye hazes over and his eyelid droops and how his lips part. Because I ah-

I never actually expected Julian to be interested in me. In any way. And Julian's not exactly the type not to get attached to people, so-

"Do you  _want_  me to be interested, Julian?" I ask, still a little flummoxed at the fact that he doesn't just  _know_  and…that he's reacting like this to me at all.

His expression clears long enough for confusion to take it over. "I…?"

"Julian, you flirt with me all the time, in the exact same way I flirt with you," I reply.

"I-yes, I know," he's looking downwards with a bitter little smile on his face. "I suppose I'm as good at giving mixed signals as you are, then."

"What signals were you intending me to receive?" I ask.

He's still looking down and his lips move like he wants to say something but can't think of the words…and he seems at such a loss. And then he chuckles a little. And as always, it's interesting to hear, but for the moment also sounds pretty self-deprecating. "Would you believe me if I said 'I don't know'?"

"Yes," I say, completely deadpan. "You seem easily confused by your own actions," I add. "But now that you've thought about it, for a moment. What do you want?"

His face is turned away toward the shadows, trying to hide from me.

So I grasp his jaw and turn his head with a firm grip until he's looking up at me. There's surprise, and then…that same expression from before. Which intensifies when I drift my thumb over his bottom lip.

And I mean, it's too soon. We've only known each other for like a week. There's no possible way that-

I mean. In the game, Julian falls kind of hard and fast and then dumps you like…the third or fourth time you've actually spent any time together. So…

"Do you want me?" I ask. And want to shrivel up and die, because that's a  _game question_  that I did  _not_ intend to ask.

The way his eye widens in surprise and then drifts half-closed again is telling. And the way he bites into his bottom lip, which I get an incredible urge to tug out from between his teeth, moreso.

"Julian," I use my stern voice and squeeze his jaw, my other hand lifting to thread through his hair and pull. "I asked you a question."

His throat is bared and his eye has fluttered shut, "… _yes_."

And now I can see the flush inching down his throat, feel the way he's just…relaxing, under me.

I remove my hands and put them back where they were to begin with. "Are you sure about that?" I ask.

He makes a discontented noise, god he's so fucking cute, and looks at me, blinking his eye blearily at me. "Yes?"

"I'm bossy and territorial and kind of possessive, Julian," I reply. "I don't  _mean_  to, but that's how I'd be."

I have a thing about claiming, okay? Friends, I'm not like that. Guys I'm crushing on? Not like that.

A guy I was actually dating? Probably most definitely like that.

He's biting his lip again. And then he sits up a little straighter, pressing his lips together and then licking them in a languorous movement. "Maybe…" he clears his throat as that came out a bit husky and now I'm feeling incredibly warm. "Perhaps that…perhaps I would like that?"

I look down at him, very seriously. And he meets my eyes with his own in the same sense of seriousness. "Fine…and at what pace do you usually prefer to go?" I ask.

"Pace?" he asks. Expression comically quizzical.

"This…" I lean down and drift my lips over his, barely touching, then pull away. "Or this…" I drift down to rake my teeth up his throat. "To begin with?"

He stiffens up and then turns to putty under me, head leaning back against the wall, " _yes_ , that."

"I prefer to take things a bit slower," I reply, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "I like getting to know a person before getting physically serious. Are you amenable to that?"

"It might kill me, but yes, I could do that," he replies. Rushed. "I could-"

"You could be anything I want?" I cut him off with a quirked brow.

He's flushing more deeply than before, looking slightly breathless, sounding it too. "Yes.  _Yes_. Yes, I can…be whatever you want."

That's part of the sub mindset, after all, isn't it? Not only do you like a Dom who can give you what you want and need, you also like being whatever  _they_  want and need. Being able to fulfill their every desire…is something that makes a submissive proud.

Or so I've read and researched. I wonder what Julian's response would be if I wrote him BDSM smut featuring himself?

Hah. Perhaps later.

"Hm. Well, it would take a while to get you to fill that shape. If you aren't fully dedicated to the whole process, we shouldn't even start," I warn him.

' _You're not dumping_ _ **me**_ _after two dates, buddy_ '

"I…" he falters. "You know who I am, what…what's…I could be…taken," he says.

"That would be out of your control, Julian. I wouldn't hold that against you," I reply. "And yes, I'm aware of the risks and the possible dangers. I already have plans thought out to avoid those issues," I tell him.

And I do. I've been noticing back alley passageways and I know where that door to the underground market is through the coliseum thing, and…I could pretty effectively get around this place without anyone seeing me  _or_  Julian.

"You…do?" he's so surprised.

"I never actually expected you to like me, but I'm still a paranoid bitch," I reply. "I come up with contingencies for eating _breakfast_  if I have a bad feeling about it being tampered with."

His laugh is surprised, "you didn't expect…?"

"No, not really," I shrug.

I'm wearing the same dress I'm always wearing. I haven't been able to buy a new one.

Every day I bathe with boiled water that Asra magically cleanses for me to be sure no sign of the Plague is left behind- preventative measures are easier than treatments and curatives, as always. It's usually the same water as the day before. There's some weird…thing with the soap that Asra uses that makes it eat the dirt.

We all use the same tub and re-fill it with water when necessary, making sure to do the whole cleansing process before getting in or leaving it idle.

I wash my clothes in a separate tub specifically for that purpose. Asra and Zhasti both have like, alternate robes that they change into, like, every three days.

I couldn't even go two days without bathing, and they think it's so  _funny_.

So asking if I thought Julian motherfucking Devorak would look twice at me in a plain brown dress with a hood perpetually covering my hair and no real ornamentation or decoration on said dress or make-up on my face or…anything really to draw anyone's attention, and is the only clothing I currently own- is really a question that answers itself.

Of course not.

"For one, I assumed you were too busy for anything. For two I'm not exactly," I make a face and pause to consider my words. I don't want him to feel obligated to compliment me or stroke my ego. "I don't really stand out, like you do. And for three, you just seem like a flirty type of person."

"Oh," he's so prettily pink. "I…don't know how to respond to that."

"Don't have to respond," I say, carding my fingers through his hair. "Just tell me when we can meet up tomorrow to further talk about this and we can both be going to bed."

He clears his throat and coughs a little, "ah, yes. Uh. Er. I'll just…head back now, then. I'll see you at the Raven?"

"Usual time?" I ask, stroking his scalp and adding a bit of scratch with my nails.

He makes a low noise, "yes."


	12. Chapter 12

I was so brave in the middle of the night. Why is that a thing? Why is the night so calming and relaxing and why does it give me confidence? I don't normally like to sleep at night, I'm more of a night owl, so it's not because I'm sleepy or anything.

And now that I've woken up and I know that later tonight I'm going to go back to the Rowdy Raven to iron out the parameters of a relationship with  _Julian_ …I'm feeling a bit less confident.

"You look a little sick, are you alright?" Zhasti passes me a hunk of bread that they bought from that bread guy at the market with Asra. And they keep glancing at each other and blushing a lot, so I think maybe they might've done some couple-y things from the game.

That would be great for them. Asra deserves love and Zhasti…seems to be into him? I mean, there's…that fluttery-ness that people have when they like someone?

"How do you…" I falter and flick my wrist. "I don't know. I'm…inexperienced with people and there's a prospect…a thing happening that I have no experience in, whatsoever…and…" sighing deeply, I rip off a piece of the bread with my teeth and chew on it.

"Does this have to do with Ilya?" Asra asks.

I purse my lips, swallow and glare at him a little, "my whole life doesn't revolve around Julian."

He smiles sweetly, "no. But he is the only 'prospect' I know of."

"I could be talkin' about Muriel or Nadia or even Portia for all you know," I reply, pouting.

"Yes, but you aren't," he replies. Smirking mysteriously.

I huff, "fine. I'm…coming to an agreement with Julian. And I don't really know how…to do that. Without like…I don't want to change him, but I do want him to learn how to take better care of himself. I don't want to control him, but I want to care for him. How do I…do that?"

"If I knew, I would tell you," Asra says with a smile. "Ilya tends to have a talent for causing his own misery." His expression darkens, "he loves it, you know. But… well. Maybe it will be different with you."

"Wait," Zhasti blinks and looks at Asra. "Different for her from whom?"

Asra turns the reddest I've ever seen him.

"So, I'm gonna go…" I say slowly and edge out of the booth, darting for the door.

"Wait. You…and Doctor Jules? Really!?" is the last thing I hear Zhasti say as I get out.

Shit, that's gonna be a loaded conversation. I mean, Asra was apparently single when he dated Julian so it's not like a whole 'you cheated on me' thing or anything- but there's definitely going to be some 'why didn't you tell me? I'm investigating him, I can use all the help I can get' and while it would be entertaining to see how Asra talks his way out of it…

Well. I just have other things to do.

And also there could be conflict. And I don't like conflict. Usually. Unless I'm the one starting it, anyway. You know, defending myself from someone or whatever…

So I make a very long, sad trek down to Julian's part of town, and then back up to the markets. To kill time. I don't want to show up super early before he's even probably there and seem desperate.

I am, though. Desperate to get the hell away from the shop and stay away. I just have nothing else to do…and since I left my new familiar-to-be-named at home…

"Oh it's you again!" Portia has already grabbed hold of my arm to stop me in the crowd with a wide smile when I realize it's her talking to me.

Good thing, too- my usual reaction to unknown persons grabbing my arm is- eh. Well it's good I recognized her. "Portia."

"I never got your name!" she says as if it's some horrible tragedy. "I've been referring to you as 'Ilya's girl' in my head this whole time, so-"

I giggle a little nervously, "Lily! It's Lily." Please don't ever say that again! I'm having palpitations, here.

"Lily…" she smiles. "I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me out with something."

"Something…?" I ask, cautiously.

She bites her lip and looks down, "something for Ilya?"

"Uhhh…sure," I reply. "Still gonna need to know what you want me to do."

Laughing a bit, she pushes some bright ginger hair out of her face, "right. Sorry. I'm just…it's been a while since I've really seen Ilya and he hasn't…well, of course he can't come  _visit_  me…" she says forlornly.

"Why not?" I ask, grinning. "He's snuck into and out of the Castle grounds before, surely."

"Oh that fool, of course he has," she says with a pout. "But I don't want him to get caught just to come and see me."

"You have nights off, right?" I ask, tilting my head. "Days when you could come down here at night?"

She blinks, "well…yes. Of course I do."

"You could always come find me and I could take you to see him," I say. "On those days. If you don't catch up to me, you could probably ask Zhasti and Asra and they'd know where I went and could point you that direction."

She smiles, "maybe I'll take you up on that!" Then blushes a pretty pink. "But, eh… you see. There's this thing, he does. Where he forgets to eat? And when you remind him, he refuses to- it's like a pride thing, I don't know. He acts like he just isn't hungry."

I nod, "I've shoved a pastry or two down his throat before when he got like that."

A beaming grin, "oh I knew you'd be the one to bring them to!"

"Bring wha-" and that's when I notice the sack lying at her feet. "What's that?"

"Lobsters!" she exclaims. "They're the smaller ones, the kitchen was just going to toss them out or something, but they're already boiled up and everything!"

I laugh, "who throws away  _lobster_?" Is it not as expensive here as back home on Earth?

"Nobility," she says and flicks her wrist. "My lady would be beside herself. But, as long as she doesn't know and they were asking me to throw them out, I thought I could take them to Ilya! I remember we had one as children and…"

Her expression dims, but settles into nostalgia instead of sadness. "Ilya loves Lobster."

"I'll take them to him, sure," I reply. "But you've gotta come back sometime soon so I can take you to him. I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him."

She grins, "deal!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've made a sideblog for a fan apprentice I've created.
> 
> Tyrofvesuvia.tumblr.com in case you guys are ever interested. there's not much there now, but there will be, later.


	13. Chapter 13

I had time to go back to the shop, now empty of Asra and Zhasti- wonder where they went and if they went together or not -and yank all the lobster meat out of the tiny lobsters.

A tiny lobster is still incredibly huge.

My new familiar is nowhere to be found, maybe he went with Zhasti and Asra…which kind of weirds me out in a way. I mean…he's supposed to be closer to me than anyone else, right?

So I was slightly bummed, shucking lobster meat out of shells, shoving it all in a bundle in a basket with a small, covered pot that has a lump of butter in it. It'll all melt while in the basket. It has some kind of warmth enchantment that I asked for Asra to do for me.

If  _I'd_  tried, I might have just set the basket on fire…it was unsettling to discover I could throw fireballs. I've never really been a fireball kinda person. Lightning I always thought would be cool, you could taser people and run away and all that jazz…

And then I walked down to the Raven, feeling kind of anxious and lonely and there he was.

There he  _is_.

Early.

And seeing him drumming his fingertips on the table, taking like a million sips of his drink, tapping his feet…I realize I'm not the only one who's nervous.

Although I'm more nervous about fucking it all up even with foresight involved, so...

Julian is probably really iffy about getting involved with anyone at this point in time, period. And is probably already contemplating ending whatever we have going-

Right now that's not really, anything. I mean, we're going to be something to each other after tonight…but right now?

He could still…

And then I notice my kitten. Wrapped around the back of his neck.

He butts his head against Julian's cheek and even from this distance I can see the way Jules's lips curl up in a slight smile as he lifts one of his hands from the table to stroke the kitten's head with his gloved fingertips.

I think I'm having heart palpitations…

Walking through the Tavern is as treacherous as always, with people's legs everywhere and mysterious spills all over the floor- but I manage to get over to Jules in his usual booth without falling over.

"There you are," I say and reach out to stroke the kitten's back with my fingertips.

I'm on Julian's eyepatch-side so he startles, which I should've been expecting. I mean, he's got an eyepatch over one of his eyes, he has a blind spot there…

…should be more careful about that.

"Where did you find him?" I ask as I watch him fluster at my close proximity and feel a little bit more confident about this whole thing as he does.

"I ah- he was- outside. He was outside and I thought, well, I thought perhaps you'd be looking for him," he coughs a little, clearing his throat. "So I kept him with- with me, because…I was going to see you, tonight. So…"

"Why'd you come all the way down here, huh?" I ask as I pick him up off Julian's neck and cup him in the crook of my arm.

The kitten blinks its big green eyes at me, languid and warm- I can  _feel_  the warmth. Not just by touch, but…deep inside myself.

_Julian_

The kitten's inner voice says.

I quirk a brow, "yeah…that's Julian. Why did you want him?"

"Are you…talking to him?" Julian's eye is wide and locked on the kitten now.

It's a-freaking-dorable. "He's my familiar."

He jolts a little a that, "he- oh. I…I thought he was just a- a pet."

"Yeah well I just got him, like…yesterday, so…" I huff and shrug, sitting in the booth across from Julian and setting the basket on the table.

I push the basket across and Julian's eye rolls a little, "I'm not-"

And then he tilts his head and reaches out to remove the cloth covering the bowls in the basket. He sniffed a little first, so I think he could smell it. The butter, the lobster. Both, maybe.

"Pasha sends her love," I know that's the name he calls her. I wouldn't call her that to her face, we don't know each other well enough- but even if someone overheard, they wouldn't know who I'm talking about.

He looks at me with naked shock painted across his face for a second, and then he's staring down at the lobster meat with a forlorn expression.

I know he misses her and he kicks himself over not being around while she was growing up…

"She wanted me to make sure you're eating," I say with a small smile.

He snorts, "did you tell her that she had nothing to worry about in that department?"

"I may have mentioned force-feeding you a couple times," I reply with a grin.

He hums and picks up a piece of the meat, opening the container for the butter and dipping it inside. "I haven't had this in…a while."

The conversations drops in favor of just sitting silently together while he eats and I pet my familiar. I want to coo so badly, but I don't usually do that in front of people. I hate it when I act cutesy with small animals and people give me weird looks or laugh at me.

"So uh…" he breaks the silence and clears his throat. "Where did you get a wildcat like that, anyway?"

Which makes my brain turn to mush. "Wildcat?" I ask, numbly.

"The- the kitten?" he says with a furrowed brow and then it slowly smooths out as his expression turns to surprise. "You. You didn't…um….you didn't know that."

Looking down at the kitten in my lap, it really shouldn't be such a huge surprise.

I mean, even for a kitten, it's pretty large- the only reason you know it's a kitten is because it's lanky in the right ways to be a kitten. It's almost the size of a young kitten house cat, so I assumed it was like, near adulthood.

I open my mouth and close it a few times, "how…how old is it? Do you think you'd be able to guess?"

"I examined it before you came in," he says. "I eh. I'm no vet," he blushes incredibly cutely but I can't focus on that right now. "But with the amount of kids bringing me wildcats on a regular basis with injured feet and legs and backs…I've learned a thing or two about them. This one is…ah…"

I am just waiting for him to tell me it's an infant or something, and I can already feel the shame at not keeping a closer on it.

"Well, I'd say he's probably four months old, at least. Six at most," he says.

Which is like…a cat-toddler, I think?

…yeah I just thought that sentence.

"What am I gonna do!?" I say and sigh, flopping my head and smacking it into the tabletop. "I don't know how to care for a wildcat!"

"Ah well…" Julian fumbles. "Eh. Zhasti- they, they could ask the Countess…for ehm…she has-"

"Nadia has exotic pets!" I say and shoot back into an upright position. "Wait, is it exotic or just wild?"

"Either way, uh…she'd probably at least know someone who could help?" he says.

"That's a great idea, Jules," I say with a smile. "Thank you."

He turns red again, "ah. I um…I'm sure you'd have thought of it yourself before long…"

And then there's an oppressive heaviness settling around us. Because now that we've exhausted that subject, and Julian has finished eating…

Now we've gotta talk about our  _relationship_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to all my readers from other countries, faiths and cultures!


	14. Chapter 14

"Julian-"

"Lily-"

We both pause and stare at each other. Julian chuckles and waves at me to speak, leaning back in his seat.

"Julian, I want to know…what you want," I say. Haltingly, with embarrassment flooding me. "From me."

"I ah…" he flusters. "I thought we'd already, already established that- last night?"

"We established that you want a relationship with me…yes…" I bite my lip and look down at my kitten…damn, he still needs a name… "But what… _kind_  of relationship, do you want?"

"I don't…ah, I don't know what you mean," he says.

My kitten jumps up on the table and walks across to sit in front of Julian, staring up at him and purring.

It's kind of embarrassing, actually. "I mean…do you want to be…serious? Committed-"

He reaches down to pet the kitten and then his arm jerks and smacks into the tankard next to him, nearly knocking it over before he can right it.

"I'll take that as a no…" I mutter, a little stung by that reaction.

I mean, it's one thing if he wants to say no- it's an entirely other thing when he reacts like the question itself is shocking…

"No no, that's not- I-" he sighs a little shakily. "What…what do  _you_  want…from me?"

"Literally anything you'll give me, Julian," I know I'm echoing him a little bit, and I don't really care. It's the truth. Asra is in love with Zhasti.

So in love it hurts…

And I feel…like I could feel that way about Julian. I already…kind of do.

He's staring at me, eye wide and fingers paused above my kitten's back.

The kitten stretches upward and purrs as it rubs against his gloved hand.

He jolts a little and looks down, then back up, from under his eyelashes a little bit. "Why…why me?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me," I answer, frankly. Beyond the whole, 'from another universe' thing… he's dedicated to believing the worst of himself.

Julian chuckles a little at that, "is my self-loathing that obvious?"

"Kind of," I respond and reach across the table to grasp his right wrist. Tugging it toward me until I have his hand far enough, I press his hand against my cheek, smiling when his face turns red. "Why  _me_?"

He looks away and grins that painful grin. " _I_  won't tell until you do."

I bet I could get him to, if I really tried. Which makes me smirk a little wickedly.

He pulls away and clears his throat, "no cheating."

I laugh at that, "would it really be cheating?"

"Oh, oh  _definitely_ ," he says with that grin turning more rakish and less pained this time around. "If I can't do the same to you, it's definitely, definitely cheating."

"Who says you can't?" I ask. And I'm a little flustered because one, that fucking grin- and two, he seems to realize how pretty he is…

Does that tie in to realizing how desirable he is?

He laughs that laugh, that charming cackle that sounds almost like he's chewing on it. "I do. I mean I know- I know I seem…I seem very suave, but I'm not."

And that just makes me break down in giggles.

"Oh now that's just not nice," he says, amusement in his tone.

" _Suave_ ," I whisper and try to hold in the laughter. "Oh god, Julian…  _suave_ …."

"Hey I can- I can be suave," he says and leans forward over the table, massive shoulders bowing up as he pouts.

A single lock of unruly red hair falls into his face on the opposite side of his longer spill of hair- falling across his eyebrow above his good eye. It's not quite curly enough to be called a curl…

"Can you?" I ask quietly as I reach up and brush the lock back, running my fingers through his hair in the process.

My hand ends up on the back of his neck and he really is  _so_  tall, he can lean over more than half of this little table, so all I have to do is tug him down and forward just a  _bit_  and lean up just a  _smidge_  and my nose brushes against his as I look into his one good eye.

"Why don't you show me?" I ask, voice going soft, hushed…

His eye is wide, his lips are parted and he seems to have forgotten what we were talking about, "I ah…h…hm?"

"Julian…" I tilt my head and brush my lips over his, "sweep me off my feet, heartbreaker."

I grin as I watch the flush spread over his face and down his neck…and up his ears…god, that's adorable.

He pulls back suddenly with his hands covering his face, "so maybe suave isn't the word for it…" he says.

I giggle, "you don't need to be suave."

He peeks out of his fingers and it's really too cute on him, especially with how huge he is. "I don't?"

He's obviously playing it up, now.

I scoff and kick him a little under the table, "no. Being giant and also somehow fragile, suits you."

Now he's  _actually_  embarrassed again. "I…oh. Ah, thank you?"

"So tell me what you want, Julian," I say and sit back in the booth. "Something fun, something serious, something fun that could turn serious later, something strictly businesslike- what are you looking for, in a relationship? Specifically, with me?"

He bites his lip and squeezes his hands together. "You know what's…I can't…commit to  _anything_  right now-"

"Committed means we don't date other people, Julian, not that we plan to get married in a couple days," I deadpan and then grin at the way he flusters. "What I'm asking is…are you going to let me show you affection? Or would that wig you out?"

"Wig…me…haha," he clears his throat. "No that, that's not…ah…not going to 'wig me out'. I just…I want to be sure you realize, this is…it's probably going to go nowhere."

He's got a 'reconsidering' look on his face…

So I reach across the table, which is easy to do as he is like…leaning over more than half of it already, and take his jaw in my hand. "If you just say, 'lets see where this leads' I can make do with that, too."

So much relief as he sinks into my touch, "I. Yes. That- that one."

I can't help the laugh that escapes me at that but hell, he's smiling at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd let you know, the Familiar's species of wildcat is based on the Borneo Bay Cat.


	15. Chapter 15

"He's taking you somewhere?" Zhasti grins. "Did he specify anything?"

I sigh, "he said…there's someone he should introduce me to. So I'm thinking…it's probably someone I've seen in my premonitions." I've decided to just go with 'I remember overdosing on some psychic-enhancing herbs and having this super-premonition that showed me a whole bunch of shit' for my backstory.

"If it's who I think it is…" Asra sighs, "you're moving as fast as he ever does."

"We've barely kissed," I reply. "I'm thinking that's a lot slower than usual."

"Physically, maybe," he replies. "Just..."

I lean down to kiss him on the cheek and then do Zhasti as I walk away from the table. "I know. You're worried. But I'll be fine."

I think they're both blushing, which is just adorable. I didn't think Asra would- Zhasti's pretty easy to embarrass, but it seems like Asra just usually rolls with any affection I show him. Seems normal to him. Or like it used to be, at least.

"I'm gonna go now. You guys have fun…and Asra?" I pause in the doorway and look back, grinning. "Tell them not to look back  _before_  they go in."

And then I'm off.

Off and…kind of freaked out.

If I'm going to meet Mazelinka today…or maybe it's someone else! He could want to introduce me to the leech purveyor for all I know!

I'm betting it's Mazelinka, though- and Asra's reaction that it could probably only be one person is very telling on that front.

Before anything else, though…

" _Mrow,_ " my kitten is sitting pretty in a basket I lined with a blanket. I'm trying to keep the basket as still as possible without making it obvious. I don't want anyone stopping me to ask what's _in_ the basket, after all.

' _Julian_ ' the kitten whispers in my mind.

"Yes, I'm going to see Julian and you're gonna hang out with Portia today. If I can talk her into it. Nadia loves animals so she'll probably like you." I tell him.

' _Food_ ' he says, excitement lighting me up but...like, separate from me. Is this how it feels to connect to a familiar's emotions? Wow, that's...intense.

"Yeah she'll probably have way better food for you than I could find before now," I say. Feeling kind of ashamed that I couldn't find anything more specific than generic cat foods like fish and ground meat for him to eat.

Walking up through the streets and dodging around large groupings of people, I keep as much to the fringes as possible until I make it to the market.

It's the right time of day so she  _should_  be-

" _Lily!_ " Portia calls out to me, grinning and waving one of her hands over her head.

I drift through the last few people-obstacles and stand before her, panting a little. "Hey, Portia."

"How are you?" she walks closer and grins.

"Fine…uh, actually I came to find you and ask a favor?" I hold out the basket and point at the flap. "This is my familiar, and he's got…special needs? I was told by a very nervous doctor-"

She snorts.

"-that he's eh…a special breed," I say.

She flips up the flap and her eyes go wide when he peeks his head out of the basket, sniffing the air. "Oh! That's special, alright."

"Would the Countess maybe know what's required to care for him?" I ask, still nervous about this.

Portia beams, "I think milady would  _love_  him. I can take him back to the palace and have some things prepared, milady loves to help after all…"

"I was hoping you would," I say with a weak smile. "He can play with your cat…eh…" Damn it, I know the cat's name…

"Pepi?" she blinks. "Oh I suppose he could. He's small enough, they could probably play without Pepi getting hurt."

"Right," I hand the basket over.

"What's his name?" she asks as she scratches him between the ears.

"I have no idea yet," I reply.

"You haven't named him?" she asks, aghast. "That won't do! He needs a name."

"Nothing's…struck me, yet." I rub my face and run my fingers through my hair. "And I've got…to meet someone soon. So I can't go with you. Is that okay?"

She snorts and smiles and it's so cat-like it's worth a double-take. "Sure. Just don't get into  _too_  much trouble…" and then she winks. "But get into  _some_."

I laugh as she walks back over toward the wagon filled with servants and watch them all start cooing over the tiny wild cat in the basket before leaving.

Time to find Julian.

…

… it doesn't take long.

In fact, it takes about twenty seconds. Probably less than that.

He's milling about in the crowd, unmasked as usual, and I just… _blow my top_  a little.

I stomp over to him with an expression that makes everyone around me step away, frightened. I'm so used to that reaction on my moody days, it doesn't even pause me.

And then I'm on him and he's finally spotted me, sad smile melting into something terrified. "Ah- Lily?"

"Don't." I say in a dark tone of voice. "Where is your mask?"

He cracks a grin, and it seems nervous as he buries his right hand in his hair and seems to clench the back of his neck with it. "Ah well, I…may have…tossed it in the river."

Fuck, I forgot about that. What about the theater mask? "You don't have another one?" I ask, still darkly.

He clears his throat, "ah…no?"

"Do you have a hood?" I ask through gritted teeth.

He swallows and pulls his coat up over his head, blushing bright red. "I eh…I don't think it's necessary, but-"

"Follow," I growl and walk past him. "And keep your head down!"

And that's how we ended up walking all the way to Mazelinka's, Julian giving frightened little squeaked instructions on which way to go.

When she opens the door and sees my expression, her eyes narrow. Then she looks at Julian. "Ilya, you slippery boy- what have you done  _this_  time?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like monster romance, I'm writing an interactive novel!
> 
> https://www.patreon.com/UnrealRomance
> 
> Go here if you wanna follow along with my progress.


	16. Chapter 16

It takes a while for me to calm down. I mean, it's one thing to know something and another thing to see it.

Julian walks around the market completely unmasked, I knew this. But it didn't really hit me until I  _saw_  him.

He's still anxiously darting glances at me from the table, I can feel it- and see it when I turn to grab another vegetable.

As soon as Mazelinka had told us to sit down and let her finish dinner, I'd offered to help.

'Can you chop?' had been her only question, and when I put my culinary arts skills to work on peeling then chopping a potato right in front of her- she just gestured at me to go on and moved on to checking something in her oven.

I needed something to chop or punch or  _something_  so I wouldn't take it out on Julian. Any more than I already had.

The thing is, I'm not just angry. I'm… _afraid_.

Little time that I've known him, both in-game and in-life, he's just…too precious.

I mean, he can  _front_  dangerous like nobody's business, but once you see past that, he can't keep it up.

Any kind of ability to defend himself is completely negated by his reluctance to hurt another person and eagerness to absorb any kind of pain or hardship anyone else might have to endure.

I  _love_  that about him, but it  _frightens_  me.

"Alright, enough chopping," she waves me off as she comes over to grab the vegetables.

I walk to the small table where Julian is like…looming. Sitting down and he's looming. It's not enough to make me smile but it does take the edge off my dread.

I sit across from him and keep my eyes on the table. I feel kind of embarrassed of my emotional outburst before…I mean, he's a grown man. He can do what he wants.

But damn it, no he can't. Not when it could hurt others. That just isn't…right.

"So…" Mazelinka puts some bowls filled with some kind of salad in front of us. "What is it exactly that he's done to make you so upset?"

I was too angry to speak before. "He was in the markets. Mask-less."

She tilts her head and quirks a brow at me.

Then I realize, "oh. The  _upper_  markets."

And I jolt a little when she smacks him upside the head with her wooden spoon. "Ilya!"

"Ah!" he ducks and it just barely skims him but the message is clear. She isn't happy. "I was just- I just wanted to see Pasha-"

"And how would Portia have felt if you'd gotten spotted and dragged off by the guards in chains?" I ask. Quietly. "She would have had to stand there and watch. She would have been powerless to stop them, and if she tried, she'd be in trouble too."

The horrified look on his face is kinda what I was going for, but it still makes me feel kind of terrible.

"Just avoid the upper markets, and I'll  _bring_  her to you," I finish and dig into the salad. I refuse to look up and see his puppy dog look and crumble. I refuse! "Why didn't you just  _ask_  me to, to begin with?"

"I…wasn't aware that was an option," he says. "You would really do that?"

Shit, I never told him about what I promised Portia? Ugh. "God, I've been so busy I forgot to tell you- but that doesn't change anything!" I stand up and my hands are planted on the table as I glare across it at him. "Don't make an excuse. Just admit what you did was reckless and work on it. That's all you have to do."

"I…that's all?" he asks. And he looks so confused and shocked. Wide-eyed and everything.

I stare at him in complete confusion for a few seconds because he shouldn't be that surprised. "Don't you know that's all personal growth is? Learning from your mistakes?"

"I assumed…I'd need to apologize, too?" he says. Questioningly.

"Well that'd be nice, but an apology is empty without the intent to change. So if you were going to do either/or, I'd rather the intent to change over the apology." I am very frank when I explain myself but sometimes I don't do it right…so maybe a bit more clarification just to be sure. "It means more to me that you realize you've hurt me and/or others and are resolved to do something to change it than anything else. An apology is a secondary concern to me."

He looks down at the salad in his bowl and bites his lip.

Mazelinka hums, "I need some more…" She's mumbling to herself as she shakes a nearly-empty jar of some kind of spice. "Have to go out into the garden, excuse me," she says and walks out the door.

We're silent for a little while, but eventually an idea occurs to me. Something that might actually  _work_ \- and I get up to walk around the table.

His shoulders bow and he looks away, so I think he assumes I'm leaving.

Instead, I grasp his left arm and pull it out to the side so I can slip between him and the table and look down into his eye when he looks up at me in surprise.

My hands move to cup his jaw and slowly move backwards until they're buried in his hair and he's turning pink. "Julian…if you can manage to be sensible and less reckless, I can manage to reward you for it. But if you keep acting suicidal like this, I can't give you anything."

His eye is still wide, but now it's glossy and he's biting his lip.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" I ask, slowly.

His head moves slowly in a very subtle nod.

"Are you going to be good for me, Julian?" I ask.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat, " _yes_ , yes, I'll be good."

There. Hopefully…that will mean something to him. And hopefully I can think of something to reward him with.

I'm not going the easy route, straight to sex or something…

But there are other experiences he's probably aching to have and never got to. Things we haven't done yet, either.

I'll figure it out.


	17. Chapter 17

"So Nadi named your familiar for you?" Asra chuckles as he pets Faust.

It's more like he's letting her slither through his hands over and over, but she seems to enjoy it.

Still freaky to have a snake around, but if I know she's there, it doesn't bother me as much.

My own familiar is sleeping upstairs in Asra and Zhasti's bed at the moment. He conked out pretty soon after I retrieved him from Portia and got home. Must've had fun at the palace.

"Apparently she feels that 'Diva' just suits him," I say with a sardonic edge to my voice. Because of course my boyfriend  _and_  my cat are both divas.

Boyfriend.

"You're blushing again," Asra points out with a smile.

"Your hair is floofy and beautiful," I say.

His mouth drops open and he turns pink.

"Now, so are you," I giggle.

He huffs and takes a sip of his tea, nearly choking on it when he starts laughing. "How does Ilya handle…that?"

"He doesn't usually very well when I'm actually trying or when I've not been flustered first," I reply. "Sometimes he manages to catch me off guard and I lose my footing, but if he doesn't, he just…kinda stands there blushing at me and tries to quip but fails. Badly."

He chuckles a little more softly at that, "I remember…him being that way. Does he still do ridiculous things just to get you to laugh when you're down?"

"I dunno, I haven't really been depressed in front of him yet, I think," I muse. "Probably, though."

We subside into comfortable silence and I think of all the things I could ask of Asra…but maybe I shouldn't. Maybe instead…I should ask him something he could answer without things going off the rails.

"Hey, I know…you have a mentor," I say slowly.

He tilts his head at me and he gets that very interested, curious look on his face. "Yeeees?"

Oh my god, I forgot he does that. I giggle a little at the drawn-out word. "Do you think…I could contact one of them? How do I find out which one fits me?"

The hum that comes from his throat is like he's having a revelation. "You want to get more powerful?"

"I want to get more  _control_ ," I reply. " _Power_  is tertiary, right behind Control and Versatility. I want to learn a lot, learn it well…and then I'll give a thought to how powerful I can be."

Asra is smiling mysteriously again. "Well…let's ask the cards, shall we?"

He pulls his deck out from under the table even though I  _know_  they couldn't have been there a minute ago.

"Try listening to the cards and see what you hear," he says as he hands it over. "I know you have your own deck…but you seem a little disconnected from them." Smiling, he reassures me when I look up with wide eyes. "Everyone is, in the early stages of their journey. Don't worry, it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you."

I huff and shuffle the deck, shifting my focus to the feeling of the cards in my hand.

His deck is like…it's like it  _buzzes,_ you know? I can feel it seeping into my hands.

The cards lie inert in my loose grip as I stare down at the shuffled deck and imagine the crown of my head cracking open. Allowing my aura to spill out in a billowing cloud of deep cobalt blue.

It's not something that should be visible to the eye- and normally it wouldn't be. But I can see a slight bluish sheen to the air around me and I have to glance at Asra to gauge his expression before going on.

There's surprise, but he's smiling so I assume that's normal- or at least not  _bad_.

So I focus on the deck again and this time, I can hear…it whispering to me? Like the cards as a whole entity are calling out for me to…

I spread the cards out on the table by fanning them and then spot the blue sheen shimmering over one card in particular. Pushing that card out of the rest of the deck that's fanned before me, I slowly scoop the rest of the cards back up and set them to the side.

Flipping over the card reveals…the Moon. The Arcana character on the card is a Wolf.

I blink at the card a little, a bit…nonplussed. But it starts to whisper to me…softly and almost, uncertainly?

" _...you aren't…yet ready for guidance…you must…find your true path first…_ "

I sigh and my head droops.

Asra is leaning across the table, chin in his hand, when I look up. "What do they say?"

"That I'm not ready for a mentor yet…" I grumble. "How am I supposed to learn without a teacher? That makes no sense!"

I toss down the card and cover my face with my hands, elbow on the table. I feel like crying.

I've made no progress since I've been here. All I know how to do is feel how Asra does spells and that's…that's not enough. I have to learn more- learn everything I can. How else am I going to be useful to Asra and Zhasti to pay them back?

How else am I gonna help Julian and get Lucio to let go and pass on, or something? And…

And how else will I protect myself? I'm so vulnerable here! Even with my self-defense training, there's people like Nadia who can kick my ass without even trying and people with  _daggers_  and  _swords_  that I  _don't know how to use_.

I'm so  _useless_ …

"Hey…" Asra slides around the booth to my side and pulls me sideways into a loose embrace. "You can still learn without someone to show you the way. I mean…look at Zhasti. I haven't taught them anything in a while and they're learning how to do new things all the time on their own."

"I'm not Zhasti," I rasp through my tears. "They were powerful and knowledgeable before they forgot themselves, I'm just…nothing."

"You've been reading those books, right?" Asra asks. "The ones we've traded to you?"

I lift my head and glare at him, "of course I have! I know all the theory, but I have no idea how to put it into practice! You can't expect someone to know how to chop down a tree or skin a deer if they've never been shown!"

He hums, "you're right, I guess. Magic is so natural for me and Zhasti, but where you're from it's been illegal?"

"It was, in the past. People are only recently being able to do it without being executed and stuff," I reply while wiping my eyes. "I mean, recently being like for a few decades? But only a few- and of those it wasn't socially acceptable-"

"I understand, I understand," he pats my shoulder and squeezes me to calm me down. "But learning magic is different from other skills. You have to find your own affinity, your own energy…here."

He picks up the cards and moves across from me, "free reading, just to give you an idea what you should be doing."

"Yes please," I reply a little dejectedly. I have no hope that this will solve anything, but…

Can't hurt.

"Clear your mind, and put the question you most want answered at the forefront," he says.

So I close my eyes, breathe and try to focus on what I want.

' _How do I learn to use magic?_ '

So many more images intertwine with it, all my reasons for wanting to learn it, all the people I feel I'm letting down because I haven't yet…

"Alright," he says.

And my eyes open.

He's holding the Moon card. Again. He looks very apologetic. "It seems you're figuring it out at your own pace just fine and the cards feel like giving you hints would be detrimental to your life path."

I stare at that card and I try not to be angry, but it's difficult. "It'd be nice if I was consulted in what was best for me."

And then I get up and walk away from the table. "Thanks for trying Asra- This is why I don't worship any gods or have any spirit guides. They always think they know better for you than you do and I find that incredibly condescending."

"Wait, Lily-" he stands up and tries to follow me.

I turn at the door and breathe very evenly to keep the tears at bay. "Someone who teaches is supposed to tell you what you need to know, and then let you make the decision. They're not supposed to gatekeep and mislead because they think you won't be prepared for something. They're supposed to trust you to know what's best for yourself. Like you with Zhasti. I'm going over to the Raven, see you later."

He doesn't say anything to me as I leave, but I kind of think he has no idea  _what_  to say.

People like him usually trust in the supernatural blindly to lead them and they're confused when you say you shouldn't. I used to meet people like that all the time. So terribly confused as to why I practiced and yet refused any 'help' from anyone else.

This is why. Spirits, gods, fae- they all think they're better than you. Not in a snooty sense- though some are like that, too.

They just never respect me enough to tell me  _why_  I should do things they suggest. They think I should follow blindly.

And I don't do that, not in  _any_  area of my life.


	18. Julian POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I can still remember back when I loved this game because the shine hadn't worn off yet and now I'm just tired.
> 
> So fuck it, I'm stealing Julian for this story and any rewrites of it I might have in the future, but I still urge you not to give them any money or Exposure. If you really wanna read it through to the end, watch Vika Avey's channel on Youtube, you get it all free that way.

When she first walks in, I almost think I see a stormcloud above her head.

Her expression seems to swing between anger and despair and my chest tightens at the tears glimmering in her eyes that refuse to fall.

I have no idea what I can do- we haven't been…together, for that long. I don't know what cheers her up. I suppose I'll have to learn through trial and error.

"Lily!" I call out and raise a hand.

She glances up and scans the room, sees my hand and then drifts through the crowd like mist around trees.

The way she moves is so…mindful. Swaying out of the way of elbows that just jerked into her path, spinning a bit around a chair that just pushed out- not tripping over the legs that slide into the space in front of her.

I've seen her trip before, outside on the open street with no rocks or lumps of dirt in sight, but in the bar…

Seems she's more at home in places like this. Something new to love about her, I suppose.

"Hey Jules," she says. Forlorn, so quiet.

I don't flinch anymore when she says it. I think that's the main reason why she did, actually- but she hasn't stopped.

If I'd really minded, I would have told her to stop, but the reminder of Lucio was…a bit uncomfortable at first.

Now though, now it means something  _different_. It's what my…what  _Lily_  calls me.

"Have a seat," I offer with a grin, gesturing across from me.

She looks away from me, "I don't think I'll be great company today."

My first instinct is to take that as a rejection and my insides twist into knots.

But this is Lily. Lily is very straightforward. If this was a rejection, she wouldn't be so...subtle about it.

"I'm of the opinion that even bad company is better than no company, sometimes," I say.

And immediately flush, "not that I think you're-"

She snorts, barely, in laughter and sits down. "Fuck, Jules, I know what you meant."

Ah. Hurrah for my horrible awkwardness, then.

"Would you like to talk about what's bothering you?" I ask. "Or would you prefer a distraction?"

She huffs quietly and rubs at her eyes, "I don't want to fixate on this anymore than I already have, thanks."

"There  _is_  something I want to ask you," I begin. "You seem very comfortable in the bar but you don't seem to drink much-"

"At all," she cuts me off. "If I drink, it's one very sweet and fruity drink or a sip of something stronger- I don't…I don't like getting drunk."

Ah, my heart sinks a bit. I'd have liked to see what kind of drunk she is. "Well, I was wondering why that was?"

She sighs, "well. My grandmother owned a bar for a while when I was a child, then gave it to my mother for a while, but eh…mom couldn't keep hold of it." She grimaces. "Mom is…gullible and kind of…well, anyway- I spent time around bar patrons a lot when I was a kid, it just…" she shrugs. "Doesn't bother me. The atmosphere, the noise. It's familiar enough not to be…exhausting. Like everything else."

"Everything else?" I ask.

"I'm not really that into going out places and doing things with people," she says. "I can, sometimes. But it takes a lot of energy and it's usually not worth it when you don't know anyone or…"

"Ah, I see…" I take a sip from the Rosebud I ordered before she came in and sigh. "I suppose if I take you anywhere in the future it'll have to be somewhere quiet, then, won't it?"

"Not necessarily," she replies and glances away, that fetching flush stealing over her skin. "So long as you don't leave me alone, I should be fine."

"Noted," I grin.

Her expression turns pouty and ohhh, she is  _adorable_  when she pouts.

"I want to take you somewhere," she says, unexpectedly.

"Uh…I…now?" I'm a little confused, but open to anything. Time with Lily, distracting her from sad thoughts- seems like a good way to spend the afternoon and evening. I was just sitting here brooding, anyway.

"If you want," she replies, still not quite looking at me.

"Alright," I reply. "Where are we going?"

"You and Zhasti found a garden the other night, didn't you?" she asks. "When you ran from the guards? Zhasti says you ducked into one. And that it was abandoned?"

I hum, "oh yes. I remember that one."

"Meet me there in an hour?" she asks. "I have something I have to do before I can go over, but…"

"No, yeah, sure," I say.

' _Why are you so nervous? You're just spending more time together, just like now._ '

Still, anytime she hints at wanting to be with me, for any length of time, alone…is…

"I'll be there in an hour, then," she stands from the table and pauses before turning to me and stepping closer.

My heart thuds and I can taste my blood in my mouth. I feel so much like I'm dying when she gets anywhere near me.

Her hand touches the side of my face first, and I lean into the warmth of it with a small sigh as her lips brush aside my hair and caress my temple.

It's a short, sweet moment of complete and  _utter_  bliss. I never want to seem too eager or too…desperate. Clingy- but hiding my feelings doesn't come naturally to me and the way she smirks when I blush or when she smiles at me-

It's worth being a little embarrassed, I think.

Especially when she drifts a little closer, stays a little longer, just to press her lips to my skin again and exhale softly into my hair. She doesn't usually- I mean, she's affectionate in her own way, but this is a new level of contact that I am enjoying.

A lot.

She releases me and steps away, turning on her heel and weaving back through the crowd while I'm still…trying to remember how to breathe.

Looks like I have an hour to kill…what to do…

A grin breaks over my face and I stand up, walking to the counter.

I'll bet Barth has something I can use.


End file.
